You see things, you hear things, people tell you things, and you wish you could do something about it, but you can’t. You wish you could help out in the best way you know how to, but you can’t. You know that the only way it gets fixed is through anybody else, any other outlet but yourself, and that hurts. Because even in your desire to do well, you are unable to do anything. Being reduced to inaction is so painful because its not that you don’t want to, it’s that you can’t. There is absolutely nothing you can do. People don’t help people, people help themselves. And just like it is never anybody’s fault but your own, nobody’s actions but your own could make things better.
It’s all of my business, but at the same time it’s none of it. I need to heal myself as well, but I don’t know how to take these actions alone. What i learned is that contrary to most people who i am close with, who need to be alone to heal, i need people to heal. Not love, but interaction, deep conversations, meaningful time spent with other people. And it feels weird because i don’t see anybody who uses the same methods, so I end up spending more time alone than i should, which is counter-productive.
I always say thay i wish to help other people heal, that i’m there for others, but recently i’ve come to terms with the fact that i’m simply looking for other people to help me. That I wish somebody was ready to do for me the things i would do for anybody who needs me badly.
But people have lives, people have their own needs, and people seem to believe that you don’t need people; you just need more solitude.
I refuse it thoroughly.